actually, I'm a sock model
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
