i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize