Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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