I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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