the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize