that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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