Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
