party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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