I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
