My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
