I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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