I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize