Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
