Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
