You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
