Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
