Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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