she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
