Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize