i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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