i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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