when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize