Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
