Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i will never coherently bang her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
