I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
