CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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