and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
