There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize