when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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