well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
