My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
