So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
