You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
