yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
