I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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