i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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