St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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