worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
