I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
