yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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