This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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