is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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