How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
