are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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