Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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