Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize