No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
