she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
