found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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