i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
