I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't deserve a penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
