i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
