i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize