I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
