i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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