Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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