i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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