made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
