A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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