I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
