im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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