Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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