wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
