Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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