I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
