The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
