6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
