writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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