perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
