I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
