I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this boner is exhausting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
