I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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