so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
