Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
