she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
tell me about the fingering
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