Porn is love you can see.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
