it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize