The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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