i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
