I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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