I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
