You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
