If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want to be your penis for a week.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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