bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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