Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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