I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
