Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize