If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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