The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
