Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize