We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
