i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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