is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
