Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just invented taco cereal.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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