Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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