there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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