You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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