i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize