you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
