I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
