The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
