It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
