goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
