At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize