Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
