Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
