girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
