Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm jealous of your bromance
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
