I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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