so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize