Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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