I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
