my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize