So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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