Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
