I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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