Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
