I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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