I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize