My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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