You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
