This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
